Lions and Tigers and Long Distance — Oh My!
MAY 1
Me: a freshman in college FaceTiming my boyfriend with my friend because we were severely uncomfortable in an Uber on the way to see Dom Dolla. Him: Jaw on the floor because the driver is passionately going on about why it’s ok to cheat on women and how a woman should act in a relationship. Yet another one of the millions of times I wished he wasn’t a six-hour flight away.
Honestly and suprisingly, freshman year of college wasn’t a very hard year for long distance. We hadn’t even known what it was like to spend more than two consecutive weeks in the same town. We just knew we trusted each other, we wanted to commit, and that we liked each other. It wasn’t even a verbal “love” yet.
Fast forward to first semester sophomore year, and it felt like my world was torn in two. I never got my friends and my boyfriend at the same time — and while that is a great problem to have, I am dramatic. I constantly felt like I was missing something. At school, I was without someone who I felt had refueled me every day all summer. Things I normally enjoyed felt dull and not quite right. With him, I was detached from the rest of my life, desperate to soak up every bit of it before it was gone again.
I don’t know what changed, but I’m glad it did whatever it was. I still cry every time we drive each other to the airport. I still stayed up an hour too late last night looking at old pictures. But there’s one big difference: I’m happy. Being in the moment matters, but so does taking a step back. Things feel more clear.
I am so lucky to have so much love to give that I can miss someone that much. I’m also so lucky to have someone so special that they can make me feel that way. And I’m lucky in my own life too. I’ve found the friends I wished for my whole life. Everything in my relationship will work out — and believing that is just another part of trusting him. While I wait, I have the friends I used to picture when I blew out birthday candles, I live in the place I used to pack two weeks early just to visit, and I have cute shoes to take a step back in whenever things feel uncertain.